WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
