I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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