guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
