The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
