Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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