We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
