I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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