yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Randomize
