Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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