JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
