Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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