is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
