this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
