ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
