I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Come share oat with me in your robe
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
