i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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