I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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