the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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