part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
