woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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