Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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