I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
