Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
