It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Found your dick twin last night
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
