I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
