So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
