Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
