yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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