Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
