My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
