she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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