If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Enjoy the penises
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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