Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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