uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
