oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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