my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
