im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
