did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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