he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
