drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
