Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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