Do you still have your period?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
