oh god the rape fog is back!
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
