Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
