Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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