its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
