No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
