it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
