i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
accomplished twins. life is a go
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
