I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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