i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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