dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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