Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
