ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
