i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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