shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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